*reads fortune from fortune cookie*

earthnation:

"He can tell you ain’t missing no meals."

willgrahamscock:

riddlemehiddleston:

mom would you pLEASE JUST INSTALL CHROME

I have seen hell

willgrahamscock:

riddlemehiddleston:

mom would you pLEASE JUST INSTALL CHROME

I have seen hell

teacher: do u understand what ur supposed to be doing
me: yeh
friend: what r we supposed to be doin
me: lol idk

maxhole:

petition to remove the E from true

gnarly:

"you’ve changed." "I know, I’m a transformer." 

goldenthong:

did you ever stop to think people are reading this sentence in different accents 

instagrarn:

when you flawlessly rap that verse

image

supersmashthestatebros:

no Santa, they’re not gifts, they’re jifts.

Beethoven: ARE YOU READY TO HEAR SOME SYMPHONIES?!
Audience: *cheers*
Beethoven: I CAN'T HEAR YOU!!

merylstreeptease:

i bet dermatologists hate him

whorville:

Yes hello 911. I’m bored you wanna chill or some shit

k3utommy:

*hands you the death note* hi can you sign my yearbook