supersmashthestatebros:

no Santa, they’re not gifts, they’re jifts.

Beethoven: ARE YOU READY TO HEAR SOME SYMPHONIES?!
Audience: *cheers*
Beethoven: I CAN'T HEAR YOU!!

merylstreeptease:

i bet dermatologists hate him

whorville:

Yes hello 911. I’m bored you wanna chill or some shit

k3utommy:

*hands you the death note* hi can you sign my yearbook

me: I'm going to bed early tonight.
me:
me: is that the sun

icorly:

please allow 5 to 7 business days for me to understand the joke you just made

chickensandwich:

cuntakinte:

oback barama is such a good president

name 5 of his songs

shittier:

who is she

quackenbuschlight:

"how can you drink hot coffee in the middle of summer?"

fire cannot kill a dragon

ladragonaria:

Any salad can be a Caesar salad if you stab it enough

human:

rights

cumsquats:

a hundred motha fuckas cant tell me nothin. im deaf why are they yelling at me