jackwhitevevo:

once i was babysitting my neighbor’s 6 year old and she asked me why i was so ugly and without thinking i said “i’m you from the future” and she cried for like 30 minutes

clvbpenguin:

my mom doesn’t even text me back

forrome:

"How’s school?"

image

parents: okay we will be home at 11 o'clock!
clock: 11:01
me: they're dead i'm alone i need to start my orphan life now

dailypuns:

In the zombie apocalypse, the battery, while a seemingly inanimate object, was the only thing that could take charge.

teacher: do you understand now?
me: yeah, totally
teacher: walks away
me: the fuck did she just say
bitchiel:

justaddtommy:

i think we’re out of ink

have you tried turning it on and off again

bitchiel:

justaddtommy:

i think we’re out of ink

have you tried turning it on and off again

exteriors:

i am the almost empty shampoo bottle in the shower of life

jewbeard:

i tried to grab fog
but i mist

fukkkres:

dis bitch look like a above ground radish

fukkkres:

dis bitch look like a above ground radish

super-slurpees:

Excuse me?

super-slurpees:

Excuse me?